Exactly what you were hoping for, give or take.

Laughed out loud there. I don’t know Kirk from Adam, so I don’t know if he comes up with this sort of insight with any degree of regularity, but it was a good one. Indeed, such is the competitive nature of love that a house full of able-bodied fellows, at least one of whom fancies himself a bona fide Philadelphia B.S. Detector, can be rendered completely oblivious to the hobbliest of them hobbling off down the road to their collective girlfriend’s house for some unscheduled one on one time.

Thing is, Kirk didn’t get all sagacious on our asses until three quarters of the way through the episode. Along the way, Roberto and Ali went on a helicopter date. Stuff happened during the date, sure, but the ending was predestined as soon as the helicopter was booked. So let’s skip it.

To the group date. Y’know, if after last week’s show I came across in any way as judgey about all the liquor they were consuming, I sincerely apologize. They need every drop of the stuff; this could be no more obvious than after the men’s vehicle pulled over in some desolate part of L.A., with Ali there, standing in the middle of the road, waiting to lure them into a Barenaked Ladies trap! Chick is seriously sinister.*

Ah, what do I know anyway? For one, it’s Barenaked Ladies, Mach II, without Nigel (but he’ll be back, won’t he?). Also, the Nob Squad seems genuinely pleased to see them. One bachelor reminisces about high school, two others offer very literal interpretations of the song in question. Everyone who is white, dances like they are white. That the drummer was wearing a cravat cannot possibly go unremarked upon, but cravats are specifically designed to leave you at a loss for words. Very sly. Other stuff happened too, but without a helicopter to focus the attention in the early going, it got hard to concentrate toward the end.

Besides, the most important thing is that, while all of this was going on, someone was having thoughts, troubled thoughts, in his head. He’s a bachelor who worries that he’s got little more to offer than his C+ first impression, and Ali’s going to forget all about him if he doesn’t DO SOMETHING. Who has thoughts like these? Obsessives. And Justin.

So Justin winds up crutchin’ down the road to Ali’s house. He arrived as she was filming a confessional about her upcoming date. As Ali explained that they would be doing sweet tweet on this date because that’s about Hunter’s speed and dude was seriously on the bubble, Justin walks into the shot. Is Ali happy to see Justin? Yes, though I don’t imagine she’ll be quite as hyped about it the next he drops by, but for now the dude went out of his way for the lady he’s wooing, and he brought photos. The rest of the fellers don’t like that when they find out – it cut into Hunter’s date, it’s a little underhanded, none of them thought of it – but we’ve seen this before, right? Who gives a shit if the other competitors like it or not? Ali didn’t like Hunter anyway**, and now, just like last season, the denizens of the mansion have to be careful about complaining to the Boss too much about the person they don’t like. Well played, sports entertainer.

And then two guys hardly anyone knows got eliminated, even after Steve’s last-ditch picnic effort with Lypsyl and champagne, on the mansion’s front walk. *Yawn*. The cuts have been way too not-painful for Ali to make so far.

Now, before we finish, does anyone wanna chat about how the Weatherman sucks, as in, he sucks at kissing even when it’s in the frickin’ script, but even worse than that, when he pulls her aside later on and it’s obvious that he still hasn’t been able to either let it go or kiss her for real? He even sucks at sucking at kissing. I’ll be sorry to see him go, next week. Okay, not all that sorry.

*Hannah Arendt – now that’s a woman who could see the future.

**”Is that official?” You bet your ass, fella.