The 68Comeback Experience

This is the list of songs we played on this, January 13, 2011, the day before The Joe’s birthday and his record release party and whatnot. Thank you and you are welcome.

Tad  –  Jack Pepsi

Stagmummer  –  S. Artiste

Miniature Tigers  –  Bullfighter Jacket

Gerald Cleaver/Uncle June  –  Lee/Mae

Steven Wonderful  –  Mr. F-L-Y

Yma Sumac  –  Goomba Boomba

K.C. Accidental  –  Save the Last Breath for Me

The Joe  –  Sledge

Doug Hoyer  –  Lakes of Mars

The Joe w/ CBT –  Retirement’s a 4-Letter Word I Scream In Public

Scientific American – Track 2

Jom Comyn – Crying Just For Show

Pioneer – The Boxer

Peep Sho – Ipod Girlz

Cowpuncher – Thank God For Pretty Girls

Pm Glimm – The Sun is Asleep

Pizzarhea – Catamites

Varpai – Symphonic Fields

At. Your. Peril.

Call us particular if you want. Such is the mojo of the 68Comeback Special, heard every Thursday afternoon from 3 to 5 on your very own CJSR-FM, that on any given day, we could put out the call and have just about any old Joe pay us a visit.

BUT.

On the day before the release party for Float or Flail, it is not just any old Joe that we require, and so it is not any old Joe that we call. Paying a visit on tomorrow’s 68Comeback Special: THE Joe. You miss this at your peril.

Bachelor Brad: “It’s My Birthday!”

"Care for some disappointment?"

I don’t know how it is that I always miss the first ten minutes of The Bachelor, but I do. And maybe I should regret it, but I don’t. Here’s the thing – I turn on the TV to find Brad and Ashley going for a car ride down a dirt road, before getting out and walking down a dark path. Was he planning on…eliminating her? Nope, instead they flipped a switch, turning on a creepy carnival in the woods, with rides and games and cotton candy, but no other people. Spooky to you and I, but Brad and Ashley seem to enjoy it well enough. They even get a chance to sit down and swap stories about their bad dads. Brad talks about his bad dad being primarily responsible for his not being able to, um, perform the last time he was the Bachelor and Ashley asks if this time through is all about redemption for him. I didn’t hear his answer, but it’s ‘yes,’ even if it was ‘no’.

That’s because, if you ask the show’s producers, this season’s theme can only be about redemption, the premise of that being, if you can’t find the needle that is a perfectly adequate bride hidden in the haystack of 30 women they present you with – each one hand-picked to be supremely motivated to fall in love with practically any stranger that gets offered up – then you’ve got a problem, son, and that problem is you.

Obviously, we’re worried that Brad’s bought into that kind of thinking, what with the way he was handing out roses left and right this evening, beginning with Ashley, but let’s not allow ourselves to give up hope too easily. We know how this show works, and it doesn’t matter what happens along the way, just so long as he eventually disappoints the last two ladies standing, and everyone else who believes in TV love, which is just about everybody*.

But what about the group date? Fifteen ladies and Brad, making PSAs for Red Cross Blood Donor Month. Thank the gods for Brad’s speech up front to the lot of them, where he says that he’s looking for “a woman who can give as much as she can receive,” else all we’d have by way of highlights on this date is the Hairdresser’s** tedious variations on, “It’s my birthday,” and Mannish Melissa‘s minor faux pas when she invaded somebody else’s skit. You know, I usually enjoy the group dates. But not this one. And I don’t really mean it when I say I enjoy the group dates.

Sigh. Now it’s time to talk about what I call my ten o’clock problem. In short, it’s ten o’clock. There’s still an hour to go. Brad’s got a solo date with Jackie – “Jackie’s very own Pretty Woman experience,” he calls it. Did he just suggest that Jackie is a prostitute? Maybe we’ll pretend he didn’t say anything about that. The larger point, returning to the ten o’clock problem, is that I so completely don’t care about this date because of 1) Jackie’s face, 2) some fuggin’ band I can’t possibly care about when they’re playing for an audience of two***, and 3) by the time the group date is over, we just want to know who’s out. C’mon, am I right? Well, in any case, it’s not Jackie, not this time. She gets a date rose, but not before he tells her that she worries him because she’s only dated two people in her life. Funny aside – he assumes this is due to a choice she’s made for herself.

Then, the final cocktail party is just one big round of Raichel vs. Melissa, who totally take everyone aback, including surprise Brad helpers Ali and Roberto, with their crazy bitchery. And then they both get kicked out (not Ali and Roberto, Raichel and Melissa!), along with Keltie, who may not have deserved to get booted, but that doesn’t matter. Not any of this matters until everybody’s gone and everyone is disappointed****.

*But not you and I. We will be overjoyed.

**You see her flaunting it when she got the rose? Will she or won’t she take a punch in the mouth before season’s end?

***It’s Train. If you don’t know them, that’s okay. This is all you need. Okay, that and this: of the Hollywood Bowl, where they are (all by themselves of course) on their date, Brad says, “The Beatles have  played here. Elton John, Jimi Hendrix.” And Train. Fuuuuuuck.

****Except for you and I, who will be overjoyed.

Wu Tang Clan Is Someone to Klatch With

The Wu Tang logo that mysteriously appeared in the silt in the bottom of my coffee cup today.

The Future’s So 68Comeback, I Gotta Wear Shades

Twenty years from now, if it weren’t for the fact that the world’s coming to an end before it’s over, people will look back on 2011 and speak of it fondly. And they will point to this list of songs, played on the January 6, 2011, as a key piece of evidence. Or they would if they could.

Bobby Dylan  –  Stuck Inside of Mobile With the Memphis Blues Again

Say Domino  –  Give Me Deuce, Give Me Kills

Talking Heads  –  Crosseyed and Painless

Siskiyou  –  Never Ever Ever Ever Again

Handsome Boy Modeling School  –  Rock and Roll (Could Never Hip Hop Like This)

Makeup Monsters  –  Rude Romantique

The Winks  –  It’s Happening

Jonathan Richman  –  We’ll Be the Noise, We’ll Be the Scandal

Paper Lanters  –  Singing in the Rain

Easy Star All-Stars  –  On the Run

Say Hi  –  Oboes Bleat and Triangles Tink

the Husbands  –  Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

Imaginary Cities  –  Temporary Resident

Gamma Gamma Rays  –  Growth & Health

Artichokes – Robber Bees

The North Lakes – Split The Money

High Dials – Teenage Love Made Me Insane

Daft Punk – The Grid

The Mark Inside – Can’T Take Her With You

Bass Nectar – Falling

Hooded Fang – Straight Up the Dial

Mother Tongue Band – Mouthful of Bees

The Rizdales -One Year Down

Matt Torgensen – Tattooed By Passion

Bachelor Brad: “Please Don’t Make Me Hit You Again”

"Please don't marry me."

Here goes nothing, quite literally. It’s a new season of The Bachelor, featuring good ol’ Brad Whatsisname, who couldn’t quite manage to find a wife during his last time through the meatgrinder, which was about three years ago*. I didn’t watch that season, but I also didn’t have to, because if there’s one thing this freaking show is good at, it’s telling you what happened, over and over again. Brad couldn’t choose! Brad didn’t choose! He just left them hanging, those two women who loved him and wanted to marry him!

We should take the opportunity to note here, briefly, before we get to the two women who loved and wanted to marry Brad, who he left hanging because he couldn’t and didn’t choose, that Brad feels bad about how that went, and he spent three years in therapy following his season on The Bachelor**. And so, having done that, here they are now, those two women who loved Brad and wanted to marry Brad, who Brad left hanging because he couldn’t and didn’t choose! ‘Hey there, two women who Brad left hanging because he couldn’t and didn’t choose,’ asks Chris, the worst reality show host going, ‘what do you think? Will he be able to choose this time, or will he leave hanging two new women who love him and want to marry him?’

Maybe he will, maybe he won’t – that’s what they think, those two women…okay, that’s enough of that. But you know, at least one of them figures that when the next batch of exhibitionists sees him, the wall’s going to shoot right up with a few of them because, well, you know. To which I say, oh please. The entire Bachelor thing is built on the premise, especially when it comes to the ladies chasing the man, that every single one of them believes that she can love him better than other woman, anywhere, ever. And furthermore, any woman in this crowd who thinks it’s Brad’s fault that he didn’t hitch up with somebody the last time ’round might as well turn around and get the hell out right now, because if they honestly believe that he should be with somebody else, then what would the point be of even getting in the freakin’ limo?

And so, without further ado: Limos! With ladies!  Chantal O., the very first one out, slaps his face for all of the women in America. Nice, eh***? Anyway, another 29 women later, some of them very hungry looking and twelve getting asterisks by their names in my notes as having looks in their eyes that could very well be their insanity leaking out, Chris strolls up and asks, “Is your wife in there?”

Well, we should certainly hope not. Okay everybody, it’s time! Fingers crossed? Positive thinking mechanisms engaged? Good. Let’s all concentrate and focus our attention really hard on making this a countdown to the SAME GODDAMN ENDING AS BEFORE! And as of right now, we have reason to be optimistic. Yes, he walked into the room and told everybody he was sorry for what happened three years ago. Yes, he even insisted several times that he’s different now. BUT – 1) he’s NOT different now. Three years later, he’s standing in the exact same spot as he was before, and 2) he also offered anyone who wasn’t sure if he was there for the right reasons**** the opportunity to leave, right then and there, which to me is the same as saying, “You don’t like it? Then get the hell out!” which is the first step toward eventually getting rid of EVERYBODY.

And he gets off to a really great start, too, eliminating 10 of the 30 ladies right off the bat, keeping 8 of the 12 I had marked as potentially insanely insane. Listen, I’m not going to go into a lot of detail this time about the 20 he kept because that’s a lot of people, especially considering it’s still just the first cut and quite a few of them are going to be gone by the end of next week, which will have things down to a more manageable number, right? But hey, here’s my list of the ones that I asterisked who’ll hang around at least that long. Remember, some of these may not be crazy, and it’s for sure that some that didn’t get asterisked WILL be crazy after all. Please feel free to discuss this in Comments, but if you aren’t watching the show and are just reading along for fun, don’t start watching on my account, okay?

Here’s my list of crazy: Chantal O. (for Obviously), Alli (who got broken up with once because her ass was too big), Jackie (pinkie-swear enthusiast), Lisa M (ruby slippers), Keltie the Rockette (who became more endearing with that little “We’re going to fall in love and get each other nice Christmas presents” song), Michelle (the hairstylist/maneater who is not to be confused with Madison the vampire/maneater, who I didn’t pick as crazy, perhaps surprisingly), and Meghan and Sarah, who made no impression on me whatsoever (except for seeming sort of crazy, and for rhyming with Tegan and Sarah).

*’Three years ago,’ had it been made the trigger for a drinking game, would have hospitalized many people this evening.

**We could note that he says it’s due to his trust issues stemming from a problem with a bad dad, but we sort of like the idea of just leaving it at ‘three years in therapy after his season on The Bachelor’.

***Yeah, she got the very last rose of the evening, but can we be honest here? If it was a man getting out of the limo, and the first thing he let a Bachelorette know was that he hits, what would you think?

****Nobody’s here for the right reason, and anyone who thinks they are can also turn around and get the hell out.

Rock and Roll Reading List: Metal Studies 101

Birmingham UK gets no respect, but any metal queen worth her salt knows it fookin’-well should.

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