Back in 68Comeback’s Arms

This, a list of songs reflecting the 68 Comeback Special’s March 17, 2011 return to glory following a week of illness and misfortune.

Tent Poles  –  Rock and Roll

Alan Sparhawk  –  Be Nice to People With Lice

Lester Bowie w/ the Art Ensemble of Chicago  –  It’s Howdy Doody Time

Galaxie  –  Melodie Mecanique

Dream Jefferson  –  Super Rick 24-7 I’m Splatterhousin’

Dum Dum Girls  –  Wrong Feels Right

Sister Double Happiness  –  Don’t Worry

Jay Crocker/Co-Stars  –  Super Disease

The Luyas  –   Too Beautiful to Work

La Sera  –  Devils Hearts Grow Cold

Banjo or Freakout  –  Can’t Be Mad For Nothing

Bori  –  Foule Anonyme

Benny Spellman  –  Lipstick Traces

Hafdis Huld  –  Action Man

Kurt Vile  –  Ghost Town

The Cribs – Hey Scenesters

J Mascis – Not Enough

The Band – Acadian Driftwood

Krang – Speed of Tent

Thin Lizzy – Johnny

The Megaphonic Thrift – Face Like a Weed King

What It Takes

Big show planned tomorrow on the 68Comeback Special Radio Time, heard between 3 and 5 pm on CJSR-FM. Among the known knowns: zippy, peppy musical choices the likes of which leprechauns would approve; topics of conversation including head lice, haircuts, and everything the descending synth line in Split Enz’s “Shark Attack” has done for rock and roll; at least one special guest appearance by Chad “The Chad” Brunet. Gabe’ll be there with a Grade 4 Report. Sadie will be there with her own brand of radio magic. 

Please arrive on time and prepared to do what it takes.

P.S. And someone’s gonna have to explain why everybody’s wearing green today. This is seriously freaking me out.

Bachelor Brad: Hitters Never Prosper

"You think you didn't go on a list after you slapped me, Chantal? There was a list."

“Are you considering proposing?”

“One hundred percent.”

Whether that was a non-sequitur or a highly literal answer to a generally kind of duh question, given the context, the fact remains – it’s the season finale of Brad Womack’s second go-round as The Bachelor. There’s his family for the two remaining prospects to meet/impress/bond/negotiate with, two final dates to go on, a ring to choose, and a decision to make: which woman will go home heartbroken, disappointed and alone today, and whose heart must wait to be broken at some as-yet-unknown point further on down the road?

Of course Brad doesn’t necessarily see things that way. He says, “We’re talking about marriage here. We’re talking about forever.” Yeah sure. Maybe we are, maybe we aren’t. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Have I mentioned that I hate these things where those who remain meet the bachelor(ette)’s family? Why is that, you ask? Well, there’s the doorbell. It’s Chantal, followed by Emily the very next day!

See Chantal/Emily meet Brad’s family. See them all sit down together while Chantal/Emily and Brad tell the story of how they met*. See Chantal/Emily spend some time with Brad’s brothers, the twin and the guy who looks like he might have been in Smash Mouth, while the brothers’ wives have been sent away so as not to crowd the shots. See Brad meet with his brothers out on the rocks in the ocean near the spectacular borrowed house where they’re all staying while they exist within their little Bachelor Bubble for a little longer, while Brad’s mom meets Chantal/Emily and grows to love her. See his family echo the sentiment**. Pointless enough for you?

Doesn’t matter anyway. The guy’s made up his mind. Of course, that doesn’t mean that he won’t make Chantal get a sunburn before going down into the water with him to swim with sharks*** and accept gifts and professions of love from her with some tepid praise for her ability to express her feelings along the lines of “I could really learn from that,****” but…seem to have…lost my place…

So there’s Emily in an astoundingly short dress on such a windy day, and there’s a helicopter, flying Brad and her to a South African hillside where they can sit and she can try to impress on him how not ready he is to be a parent, a little preview to their evening date where she tries to do more of the same. In all fairness, it’s Brad that brings it up in the first place on the evening date when he starts going on about how ready he is to be Little Rickie’s father, but in his defence, how was he supposed to know that all he would get for his well-intended lip service is Emily getting all hardass on him, asking questions like, “What does that mean?” Honestly, a guy could get downright flustered, maybe even a  little bit angry, with his girlfriend making those sorts of challenges to his manliness. And if she’s prepared to do that now, just imagine how she’ll be after he’s put a ring on her finger. Don’t forget that I mentioned the ring because I want to come right back to it in the next paragraph, but really! Brad leaves in a bit of a huff! Has Emily ruined everything?

The next day, Neil the ring guy shows up. We don’t want to dwell on it too much because it’s basically the same exchange it always is on this show, with somebody choosing a ring that they wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford for the one they’ll be choosing in a few hours, but with this being Brad’s second time through, he does offer this unintentionally hilarious nugget to Neil, “Neil, I don’t know if you know this, but last time, I didn’t put a ring on anyone’s finger.” Neil shows amazing restraint. That is all, at least until Chantal shows up and Brad sends her packing with a speech that would read fairly well on a letter of recommendation, if Chantal should ever ask him for one. Finally, one last aside before we get to Brad’s final choice –  Q: Is it not obvious enough to these producers that people cry on this show? Why is there never a tissue to be offered to these women? A: Because who cares when it’s a loser crying?

And then Emily gets proposed to! She didn’t ruin everything after all! Brad can still do all of that himself, like a man, at some future time*****! Ahhh, romance! Ahhhh, Bachelor!

*”I got out of the limo and there he was.”

**See the sisters-in-law prefer Emily for reasons so purely selfish and idiotic, it’s a wonder the two of them weren’t edited out of the segment entirely

***”After this, you better put a ring on my finger, or else you suck!” True.

****”…, at a time like this, when I should really break it to you that Emily is who I want to marry, which is why I’m kissing you on the cheek and departing from this date without so much as one longing-filled backward glance.”

*****Like, within 15 minutes when, on After the Final Rose, it’s revealed that the two of them have broken up. Romance!

Believe It Or Not, It’s Just 68Comeback

March 10, 2011 will go down in history as the Sick Kids Edition of the 68 Comeback Special. While Tom slaved away extra much yo pick up the slack, Harry Potter movies and Barbie/Playmobil dance parties were the order of the day elsewhere. And here’s how it all turned out:

Krang – Spirit Animal
AwesomeHots – Aint Been Dancin’
Layne L’Heureux – Torture
Poets of Rhythm – Practice What You Preach
Pete Stampfel & the Worm All Stars – Maximum Spare Ribs
Starfucker – Bury Us Alive
Robotscout – Won Zero One
Miskatonic – Daemon Whisper
We Are Enfant Terrible – Sick Crooner
Neil Young – Cortez the Killer
City Streets – First World Inventions
Marvin Pontiac – I’m a Doggy
Berzilla Wallin – Love Has Brought Me To Despair
Peter Elkas – The Blue of You
Ratatat – Party With Children
Eddie Spaghetti – Party Dolls and Wine
Galaxie – Encore
Drawn From Bees – Long Tooth Setting Sun
Diehatzu Hijets – Falling Apart
Perfect Vacuum – Satanic Man/Average Man
Danielson – This Day is a Loaf
Fraser/Daley – Bad Luck Blues
Agesandages – No Nostalgia
Makeout Videotape – The Sun’s Loneliest Day
Van Gohst – I Hate the Bus
Exene Cervenka – Brand New Memory
Eiyn Sof – Railroad Trax
Pizzarhea – The Fumbling Fuhrer Fandango
Matt Haimovitz – Meeting of the Spirits

Bachelor Brad: “I shouldn’t have done that.”

Do I blog these Bachelor(ettes) Tell All episodes? It’s the same thing every season – I can’t remember for sure, so I have to go back through the old entries until the ol’ memory is jogged. Ah yes, it would appear that I do. ‘Kay well, let’s get this show on the road.

Hey look! It’s a bunch of women that all used to live in the same house as each tried to convince herself (and Brad) that she (and Brad) were perfectly suited for one another and they should get married forthwith! Hey, there’s…uh…whatsername, and oh, isn’t that, um, that other one? Well well, I haven’t seen that one since…have I ever seen that one? Wow, there’s those two that fought a lot. Who would have ever thought that they’d both sit on the same stage together again, and by that I mean, shown their faces in public ever again, eh? Oooo, that’s a good one when one accuses the other, “You ruined my chances with the Bachelor!” – a charge which the other denies, of course – and seeing as neither is quite likable enough to warrant the actual taking of her side, we’ll call it a draw. Yes, she did, and also no, she didn’t. And vice versa. Fair enough?

Quote of the night, in its place of honour right up there on the title line, goes to Michelle, who apparently showed up in order to put her new sensitive (some say crybaby) side on display and take her lumps from the other also-rans. You know that saying, “Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me”? So not true. Michelle owes Chris Harrison her life for how he stepped in to protect her from Stacey, a bartender, who claims to imagine that she’s probably been raised better (than Michelle), and Jackie, an artist, who compared her (Michelle) to a spider. Regarding that quote, what Michelle felt she shouldn’t have done was leave her daughter for so long in an ultimately futile effort to find love, but she could have kept it on the more general level of going on The Bachelor. Or going on The Bachelorettes Tell All. But definitely going on The Bachelor.

Here’s a funny story about somebody else who shouldn’t have gone on The Bachelor. Cute lil’ Ashley S., in tears in the car after Brad turfed her, in tears up on the stage with Chris Harrison as she recounts the bad relationships she’s been in, the cheating and rejection she’s endured, leading to the hope she felt when she got that first impression rose in this season’s first episode, leading to the shitty feelings after Brad tells her she wouldn’t make a good wife…for him. She’s so sweet and so cute and you feel so bad for her that just for a second, you think they should book her as the next bachelorette…until you realize what you’re wishing on her when you wish for things like that. So be careful.

And speaking of being careful, last episode of the season next week. Will Brad choose someone? Who will Brad choose? Got a bad feeling yet? That’s what happens when you’re not careful.

P.S. Hey! Why didn’t Shawntel get to say anything?

As Promised

Mark Allen Stamaty is freaking brilliant. Decades ago, he wrote one of our family’s all-time favourite books, Who Needs Donuts? We love him. On the show last week, I mentioned this cartoon that Stamaty drew about Bob Dylan that I thought was hilarious, said we would post it, then didn’t. Luckily, Stompin’ Jon reminded us of our responsibility to occasionally do the things we say we will, and so…

68Comeback’s Required Listening

This is the list of songs we played on the March 3, 2011 show. They are mandatory, not voluntary, listening for anyone who thinks they’re cool. So get to work.

Icky Joey  –  Total Catharsis

Hey Predator!  –  Things They Don’t Teach You In Flight School

Christine Fellows  –  Femmes de Chez Nous

Tommy Guerrero  –  Yerba Buena Bump

The Insane Warrior  –  Then You Hear Footsteps

Beans  –  Deathsweater

Old Sins  –  Had My Share of Fistfights

Bright Eyes  –  Firewall

Swell  –  Sick Half of a Church

The Rural Alberta Advantage  –  Muscle Relaxants

Shotgun Jimmie  –  Stereo and the Stove

The Japonize Elephants  –  B.E.V. the Magic Robot

Geoff Berner  –  Wealthy Poet

Dad Rocks  –  Kids

Whitey Morgan and the 78s – Meanest Jukebox in Town

Kirby – My Date With Lady Gaga

City Streets – Goddess of Wine

Sonic Youth – Chez Yves (Alice et Clara)

La Sera – Beating Hearts

Fort Wilson Riot – Forgotten Language

Steve Wynn and the Miracle 3 – No One Ever Drowns

Ben Weaver – City Girl

Makeout Videotape – Future Boy

Pizzarhea – Catamites

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