Blogging the Commercial I Just Watched: The McDonald’s Breakfast Burrito

Ahem. Tap-tap. Is this thing on? Good. Let’s get started.

Ladies and gentlemen, I appear before you today to ask: What the fuck?

Please direct your attention to the McDonald’s commercial that starts with some peppers getting chopped, then dropped on top of a tortilla with what would be best described as a small pile of egg croutons, then folded up to resemble a burrito, leading to the punchline, “Burritos don’t get any better than this.”

Got that? Fine then, let’s continue. Oh for Christ’s sake.

I would like to take this opportunity to assert that, if you’ve been kidnapped and kept in a small dark room, beaten with great regularity and force-fed, first, burritos made of sawdust and crushed chicken skulls, followed by the burrito in question, and when they directed you to repeat the statement, “Burritos don’t get any better than this,” you were electrocuted if you so much as hesitated, that statement is probably an accurate one.

Otherwise, that voiceover lady is simply not telling the truth.

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