The Bachelorette: “I have never done this much thinking in my life.”

Grrrr. Two freakin’ hours to bear out what the gossipmongers had already blared from every possible supermarket tabloid and gossip website in the world. Who do I hate most, the spoilers for spoiling the surprise, the TV show for dragging the whole thing out for as long as they did, or myself for bothering in the first place? Let’s give this some consideration…

I don’t think it’s the gossips that I hate the most. Our society’s fixation with celebrities is an unhealthy one, to say the very least, but as long as the obsession exists, we can pretty much expect someone to exploit it in exchange for money. The tabloid market is definitely an unsavoury subspecies of this kind of scumbaggery, but my personal solution is to pay them zero dollars and as little of my attention as possible. While some bloggers and the like will go to extreme lengths to not spoil a show’s ending, that these types go to the exact opposite extreme should earn them scorn and derision, but it’s just not worth it to hate them for it. Not the most, anyway.

As for the TV show, I’m just not sure I can hate them the most, either. The episodes have been two hours long from the get-go, which makes way more sense when there’s ten or twenty or twenty-five eager candidates vying for the Bach’s affections. But, when the primary purpose of any given television show is to sell ad space in between all the mooning and juning and smooching and lovey-dovey shit, is it realistic to expect them to trim the episodes down to a more appropriate length once they reach the point where there’s only a couple of fellows left? Reasonable, yes. Realistic, no.

And so, we get a smidgen of family-meeting*, a little bit more of dating, a little bit more still of people talking to themselves as they prepare to make or receive a marriage proposal**, and a hair-pulling, forehead vein-bulging amount of recap after recap, preview upon preview, until Ali finally gets around to send Chris packing, the day before he would otherwise have proposed to her, to no avail***.

Lucy, er, Ali, loves Desi, er, Roberto, more or less. It smacks a little of Jake and Vienna to me, to be honest****. Will it last? Have they already split up? Has he really been living a secret double life? Go ask a tabloid; I have no idea.

Which brings us to the end of this blogging of the Bachelorette, and the answer to the question posed at the very beginning of this entry, to which you probably already knew the answer and for which I made you read all the way to the end. Who do I hate the most? Why, myself, of course.

*Q:”May I ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage, sir?” A:”We’re on TV and the producers have arranged it this way, so ‘yes’, but seriously dude, what century do you live in, anyway?”

**”As you are merely one of an array of pre-selected dopes from which she will eventually choose, it only makes sense for me to offer you this pre-selected array of engagement rings to choose to present to her.”

***Which is one of the more decent and caring things I’ve seen happen on this show.

****Albeit with two more likable characters, but still.

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    • Rachel
    • August 3rd, 2010

    I somehow managed to avoid the spoilers for the most part, although I did see a headline that said “Why I Broke The Rules” at the supermarket the other day, so I knew something was up (why was Ali allowed to give that interview, anyway? Or did she break another rule and blow the ending a week before the end of the show?). I literally cheered when she broke up with Chris. She totally subverted the essential cruelty of the show’s premise and behaved in a totally decent and respectful manner. I wonder how pissed off the producers were? Or, I don’t know, maybe they were OK with it, since it shook things up a little.

    Not sure I see the Jake/Vienna, Ali/Roberto similarity you mention. He’s Mr. Nice Guy.

    So are you done with blogging the Bachelor, then? And more importantly, are you going to succumb to Bachelor Pad?? It looks like it’s going to be an unholy mess. I desperately hope I can restrain myself from turning it on next week.

      • 68comeback
      • August 3rd, 2010

      Gillian and I were talking about it and we think the attraction between Ali and Roberto is more physical and short-term; hence the comparison. I agree that Roberto seems like a nicer, better guy than Jake, too, though one tabloid claims that there’s an ex-gf who thought he had died until a friend told her to turn on the tv. We can’t know for sure what the real story is, but it’s pretty clear that he could have gone running back to her if he felt that attached, and he didn’t, so…

      Not sure if I’m done with the Bachelor. The show unwittingly highlights all the seriously weird disconnects in this culture between attraction and love and sex and marriage, but it’s hard to get past the freakshow to reach that stuff. But speaking of freakshows – yeah, eww, Bachelor Pad. The commercial where the Weatherman looks right at the camera and says, “Thanks, Bachelor,” or whatever? Eww. And he seems like the most benign person in there. Will I be able to stay away? I hope so.

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