The Bachelorette: “I Guess I’m the Villain This Season.”

“I guess I’m the villain this season.” So someone from among the Group of 20 Losers assembled for last night’s The Bachelors Tell All edition of the Bachelorette reports that Canadian wrestler Justin said to him or someone near him in a  limousine at some point previous to this episode. Everyone in the studio, but especially the 20 Old Women on the Stools, really got to cluck their tongues at that one.

Speaking as a Canadian, and as a guy who fancies himself as something of a selfish jerk, and as a wrestling fan, too, I say, “Fuck yeah, Justin!”

I was trying to find an excuse not to blog about this show; looking up obscure rules about ratios of Chris Harrison screen time to that of romantic dates in empty nightclubs to determine whether it actually qualified as a Bachelor(ette) episode and whatnot, but I finally just had to admit it to myself and get to work.

Personally, I think the footage of Justin in Turkey speaks for itself. The hopping over retaining walls and tromping through hotel gardens to get away from Ali and the cameras as she urged him to be a man and face up to the fact that he was busted, and/or the recordings he left on his girlfriend’s answering machine, telling her how much he wants her back, wondering why she won’t ever answer the phone, it’s pure comic gold, but it’s also of a moment, which is now passed. ‘Hoisted on his own petard,’ you might say, and then moved on. After all, how much attention does a heel run amok really need?

That’s a tricky question to answer, however, when you’re faced with a stage fulla 20 dry old turds, not one of whom did anything to distinguish himself from the vast majority of tools who’ve made their way through the machine by now. They did it last season with whatsername, who had an ‘inappropriate relationship’ with one of the show’s producers, and they did it with Justin this time. Everybody got their chance to get up on a high horse and make it shit on ‘the bad one’ of the season, the one who spoils all the fairy tale romance of the Bachelor(ette) franchise by not acting like a sucker just because someone tells them to. To answer the question then: As much as possible.

So they even drag out the also-ran from last season who knows one girlfriend of his, who knows another girlfriend of his or something, not so much to bear witness to the way in which the perceived inherent goodness of celebrity and its right hand man, television, will completely corrupt the search for even something so noble and wonderful as love, but mostly so she can half-shriek, “He doesn’t even have a car!” and make fun of the fact that people with broken legs walk funny. And the studio audience full of biddies-to-be claps and cheers.

Is it too late to not blog the whole miserable spectacle?

  1. March 8th, 2011

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