Fill in the blank: As ________ as a Morrissey tattoo.
To be completely honest, I misunderstood the situation at first. I saw the other photo, the one of Morrissey kind of obscuring the guy as he autographed his arm. For a time, I thought the guy had actually gotten Morrissey to give him a tattoo. Yes, it’s entirely clear to me now, that that would mean the guy would have had to not only engineer an opportunity to be near the same coat rack as Morrissey, but also have with him a tattoo tool and ink and the wherewithal to ask Morrissey to take the time out of his day to tattoo some freak in a hallway. Yes, it took an especially long time for the sheer preposterous unlikelihood of that scenario to click with me.
But yes, I prefer my original, misunderstood version of the story. Actually, the version I prefer the most is the one where the supplicant approaches Morrissey with freshly shaven head, requesting that Moz tattoo the lyrics to Bigmouth Strikes Again into his skull. And that he gets in free to all subsequent Morrissey gigs.
For those keeping score, the correct answer to the fill in the blank question is ‘celibacy affirming.’ But whatever you thought of was probably pretty good, too.